She asked "are you happy?" and the words are like a punch. each one unraveling thousands of memories of yesterday and the day before and before, trying to unravel the gray that perminates each scene, going, 'is there happiness here?' looking for shades of yellow and orange, of pinks and rose gold, admist the blues and grays and the violent storms, 'is there happiness here?' & then I find it, nestled away & funny colored, not brilliant splashes of light like I had hope to find but small rays that outshine the silver sadness that let me look up at her and give her the smallest yes I've ever mustered while realizing I must push for more