Living is a dream
A torturous endless waking dream
A nightmare of all my imaginings
Never quite captured by my mind
The endless permutations astonish me
The darkest intentions no longer shock me
The hate I endure
The pain I carry
The people that hurt me
I've come to expect
The love I've taken for granted
The life I've surrendered
The things I've tried to forget
The pain I tried to diminish
The light  tried to extinguish
None of that shocks me
My attempts
My lack of attempts
My doubts my rights my wrongs
Even my being
No longer shocks me
Shock, astonish, surprise, confuse, dazed, doubtful, damaged, befuddled
I'm unfazed by the depths of my ego
I only wish to dissolve
into nothing