I'm so tired…
Easy words.
So tired…
So much more meaning…
Not...just tired.
Who will I be today?
Later?
10 minutes from now?
Tomorrow…?
Why bother.
Pretend to be strong.
Don't let anyone see…
The despair.
Tears…
Quick...gone.
Inside.
Clenched teeth.
Clenched fists... fingernails.
Hurts...good.
Got to stay here.
Breathe...
Keep breathing.
For those I love.
For God…
Help...amen.
Thank you...still here.
Instinct is stronger, for now.
I'm still here.
Anxiety...tremor.
Chest hurts…
Can't think...
Exhaustion.
The little pill…bandaid
Still bleeding beneath.
Exhaustion.
Keep fighting.
Fighting...
Then the flat...
Trying to bring back the happy.
THE HAPPY!  
That high...no drug needed.
SMILE...smile...pretend.
The agitation and anger,
Outburst.
Only when alone.
I hope.
Am I losing myself?
Already have.
I think…sometimes.
Just too weak?
Giving in?
No...I hate this…
Hate me...
Hurting those I love.
The guilt.
Self loathing.
Sometimes feeling human.
So nice...real smile.
Live for that too.
And...
Try not to fear.
The dark.
The uncontrollable.
The lows.
The other me...
Hiding for a little while.
Concentration, focus…
I forget.
I forgot…
Lost myself...again.
At work…ANXIETY.
Just the thought.
Stress...dropped again.
Lost again...
Lost in...half way through...
Conversation...what was I saying?
That word?
What were you saying?
Chores.
Life.
Forgot again...
Pretend.
Play the game.
I'm so tired.