I scroll through pictures of us in the mountains and I hear her voice so clearly
Written on a crumpled page
Years since she left the flower city
For the glitter kind
And I only shone because of my honey gold hair
Not jewelry or bright eyes or highlight on sharp cheekbones
“I’m lost and I only knew myself when I was with you, and I was only with you when I went outside so I’m going kayaking in Alaska. I’m sorry I let myself get so lost. I’m sorry I made myself too hard to find.”
An apology in vain

I had already forgiven her.
I forgave her the moment she left me barefoot in a field because
I knew her heart once
And I knew she had to go

Girls like that, they grow up half money and half spirit
Bound to want to taste what paper can buy them at some point
And me, always in the field. Safe.
She left and I never blamed her and I still don’t

She makes contact now
“How are you??”

Oh, my dear.
I am living out the dream I worked for
Cried for
Laughed for
I cannot ask for anything else
My feet feel good at the school I’m at, do yours?

I scroll through pictures without me
Click on the girl with her instead, before she went to Alaska to lose herself and find herself again
(She didn’t have to, I could have told her exactly where she was. In the flowers by my hand all along)
And all of these girls are so lost and lonely

Money in New York and parties every night and ten thousand comments
And still, they couldn’t escape it
Couldn’t escape what we all feel

You can see it in their eyes
It’s the reflection of glitter
Golden fear

Go stand in a field, I want to say.
Go stand in a field and take off your shoes and rest.