what happens
when your hours of sobriety
vanish ever so slowly
from
ten to six to five to two?
what happens
when you realize this drama
you keep complaining of
has nothing to do with anyone else
and everything to do with you?
what happens when I reach the age
that you were when you
gave birth to me?
will you finally cry
tears of unselfishness,
will you curl up in my arms
and ask me to sing you a lullaby
that sums up what I've learned
about womanhood?
will you feel how it feels
to have lived so long
without comfort or courage
to stay standing strong?
what happens when I can't decide
which side of you I want to be around
when I choose to stop choosing
when I feel without losing
when you love without using
up all the good parts
of me?

but I don't want you only
in the daytime
I want you all the time
maybe because I'm greedy
maybe because I'm needy
or maybe because it is one of the most
natural wants in the world.

you want a peer to get drunk with
not a daughter to fall in love with

my heart keeps
weakening
over all of this.