Self Sabotage,
That's about where I am at.
I say the same thing every time- One step forward, ten steps back.
And for me, this is true.
but why is that?
Why you ask?
because I make it this way.
I twist these words, and actions, and thoughts.
Yours, mine, his, and hers.
Just to make things worse.
I cry and scream,
and throw your things.
because secretly I love to be hated.
i love the way it feels when I hurt.
then I know what I am really worth.
When I bring myself down, I use you all.
Then I can blame someone else as I spiral and fall-
The sad thing is I know I'm a mess,
I know I ruin things, I know I'm depressed.
but here I am spewing out my keyboard for attention.
When I could be bettering myself, and gaining traction.
Toward happiness.
Because that's where we all strive to be.
But We All, Nope that doesn't include me.