Dec 2019
So I had no idea that I was female.
Everyone knew.
I compare it to twilight.
Bella spends a full hour trying to figure the inner workings of Edward's outer shell.
His masks. She finally figured it out.
And everybody in the theater had become aware. From the sneak preview. 3 months prior to the screening.
Still just like me. Bella scurries to find the truth of Edward's origins and nature.
But Edward's hot so I'm cool with it.
I just want to accept this.
I tried so hard to make the world feel amazing. And help everyone.
But it was me that needed help.
So many thoughts of suicide.
So many fake relationships.
Shallow promises. And emptiness.
Breaking my families heart.
And trying to impress the wrong people. Looking like a fool.
And surviving for my kids. And my mom and brother. My uncle and grandma as well. It was so confusing being a girl ina boys body. To this day. I suppress thoughts about men.
Or rather disassociate and numb witha a void filling habit or two or ten.
What you felt for those two days was at my core for years. My brain made every survival technique possible.
All maladaptive.
Drug addiction. Delusions. Self harm
Grandious thinking. Self medicating.
****** programming to like women.
I really put myself in the worst spots for no reason.
I could have just as easily figured it out and changed genders
Younger in life.
But in a way imsuper glad for all my ******* endured. I had two beautiful kids who are the world.
And I changed alot of people's minds about women. Trans. Racism. Environmental. Obesity. Mental illness addiction. Maybe you tell me I'm ******* crazy but this was all happening to me. I was broadcasting thoughts to the entire world.
I thought the world hated me. I didnt know why everyone laughed at me.
Or avoided me. But I see now. You cant be mad at anyone for them judging you after you gave them false impressions. Or made shallow attempts at being something other than what you truly were.
I think I love the world. Thank you for loving me back. Sorry if i offended anyone. Except trump followers. You can lick the brand new car smell off of my *******. I'm done. God bless
Everyone knew.
I compare it to twilight.
Bella spends a full hour trying to figure the inner workings of Edward's outer shell.
His masks. She finally figured it out.
And everybody in the theater had become aware. From the sneak preview. 3 months prior to the screening.
Still just like me. Bella scurries to find the truth of Edward's origins and nature.
But Edward's hot so I'm cool with it.
I just want to accept this.
I tried so hard to make the world feel amazing. And help everyone.
But it was me that needed help.
So many thoughts of suicide.
So many fake relationships.
Shallow promises. And emptiness.
Breaking my families heart.
And trying to impress the wrong people. Looking like a fool.
And surviving for my kids. And my mom and brother. My uncle and grandma as well. It was so confusing being a girl ina boys body. To this day. I suppress thoughts about men.
Or rather disassociate and numb witha a void filling habit or two or ten.
What you felt for those two days was at my core for years. My brain made every survival technique possible.
All maladaptive.
Drug addiction. Delusions. Self harm
Grandious thinking. Self medicating.
****** programming to like women.
I really put myself in the worst spots for no reason.
I could have just as easily figured it out and changed genders
Younger in life.
But in a way imsuper glad for all my ******* endured. I had two beautiful kids who are the world.
And I changed alot of people's minds about women. Trans. Racism. Environmental. Obesity. Mental illness addiction. Maybe you tell me I'm ******* crazy but this was all happening to me. I was broadcasting thoughts to the entire world.
I thought the world hated me. I didnt know why everyone laughed at me.
Or avoided me. But I see now. You cant be mad at anyone for them judging you after you gave them false impressions. Or made shallow attempts at being something other than what you truly were.
I think I love the world. Thank you for loving me back. Sorry if i offended anyone. Except trump followers. You can lick the brand new car smell off of my *******. I'm done. God bless
