Dec 2019
Hello!
I have A.D.D
Attention deficit disorder, or so I'm told.
What does that actually mean, you ask?
Well...
I am a genuine, 110% dopamine
addict
Yeah.
No.
I will end jobs, relationships, and conversations
When I get bored-I dont even mean too!
I don't mean to be cruel,
Trust me. I'm not autistic or psychotic,
I just get bored
a lot.
That means
A.) I have a lot of difficulty regulating my emotions.
And trust me, I'm more sorry about drop-kicking my laptop in the middle of a meltdown.
More than you'll ever be.
B.) But, I may not look very A.D.D.
I likely won't suddenly shout
I might get anxious in crowds of people
I may stop mid-sentence to stare at lights
I'll forget just about all the important things.
I'm sorry.
C.) I have a tendency to sometimes regulate your behaviours.
No, it's not OCD
And does my heart beat feel a little fast to you?
D.) I absolutely, positively
Hate
Living like this.
I should understand social cues
I should know that 1+1 equals 2.
I know I should know that.
But my brain disagrees
So trust me,
Sometimes I just want to die.
E.) I seem to hate doing everything,
The dishes
The trash
The laundry
F.) I forgot to take my medications again,
I should have set an alarm but
I forgot.
G.) Please. Just
Go away.
Everything is so loud
Everyone keeps touching me
Everything is happening at once inside my brain.
H.) I will often need your help.
You're normal
You understand why they said one thing but did another and meant something complete different.
Am I having a heart attack???
I.) I am struggling
Struggling to understand why you are so angry
When I swear I told you
I had plans today.
Why aren't you happy I remembered I had plans?
J.) I'd ask jesus christ for help,
But didn't he make me this way on purpose?
K.) I think these medications might be killing me.
Did you hear about the 10 year old
That keeled over from an adderall-heart attack.
L.) Let me spell it out for you,
But one second
I just realise I could hang Christmas lights off of
Our front-door wreath.
Let me live, please. I can't breathe and my lungs are crying from the vyvanse.
M.) Maybe theres more to it
Maybe I'm just a horrible person
That can't seem to find the perfect relationship.
My o my, I think I'll just lose a few pounds. Maybe I just don't need to eat today
N.) No. I don't know what you're talking about
I saw a crow fly by the window
Then I noticed the little display in the garden
Maybe it runs off of batteries?
I think I needed to buy batteries today
No. I wouldn't possibly understand anyways.
I'm too dumb and out of breath.
O.) Oh! Did you know
****** only had one *******?
Did you know about global warming?
Did you know
My hair is falling out from my medicine?
P.) Please!
I got this in the bag.
I just need to look deeper into this question.
Then I'll have my answer
Please, body. Keep up. I just want to be normal.
I have A.D.D
Attention deficit disorder, or so I'm told.
What does that actually mean, you ask?
Well...
I am a genuine, 110% dopamine
addict
Yeah.
No.
I will end jobs, relationships, and conversations
When I get bored-I dont even mean too!
I don't mean to be cruel,
Trust me. I'm not autistic or psychotic,
I just get bored
a lot.
That means
A.) I have a lot of difficulty regulating my emotions.
And trust me, I'm more sorry about drop-kicking my laptop in the middle of a meltdown.
More than you'll ever be.
B.) But, I may not look very A.D.D.
I likely won't suddenly shout
I might get anxious in crowds of people
I may stop mid-sentence to stare at lights
I'll forget just about all the important things.
I'm sorry.
C.) I have a tendency to sometimes regulate your behaviours.
No, it's not OCD
And does my heart beat feel a little fast to you?
D.) I absolutely, positively
Hate
Living like this.
I should understand social cues
I should know that 1+1 equals 2.
I know I should know that.
But my brain disagrees
So trust me,
Sometimes I just want to die.
E.) I seem to hate doing everything,
The dishes
The trash
The laundry
F.) I forgot to take my medications again,
I should have set an alarm but
I forgot.
G.) Please. Just
Go away.
Everything is so loud
Everyone keeps touching me
Everything is happening at once inside my brain.
H.) I will often need your help.
You're normal
You understand why they said one thing but did another and meant something complete different.
Am I having a heart attack???
I.) I am struggling
Struggling to understand why you are so angry
When I swear I told you
I had plans today.
Why aren't you happy I remembered I had plans?
J.) I'd ask jesus christ for help,
But didn't he make me this way on purpose?
K.) I think these medications might be killing me.
Did you hear about the 10 year old
That keeled over from an adderall-heart attack.
L.) Let me spell it out for you,
But one second
I just realise I could hang Christmas lights off of
Our front-door wreath.
Let me live, please. I can't breathe and my lungs are crying from the vyvanse.
M.) Maybe theres more to it
Maybe I'm just a horrible person
That can't seem to find the perfect relationship.
My o my, I think I'll just lose a few pounds. Maybe I just don't need to eat today
N.) No. I don't know what you're talking about
I saw a crow fly by the window
Then I noticed the little display in the garden
Maybe it runs off of batteries?
I think I needed to buy batteries today
No. I wouldn't possibly understand anyways.
I'm too dumb and out of breath.
O.) Oh! Did you know
****** only had one *******?
Did you know about global warming?
Did you know
My hair is falling out from my medicine?
P.) Please!
I got this in the bag.
I just need to look deeper into this question.
Then I'll have my answer
Please, body. Keep up. I just want to be normal.
