Apr 2013
You are my forgiveness. My long lost way out of this eternal labyrinth of suffering. I have never let someone grow so close to my heart before you.
I have never let anyone hurt me so deeply before you did.
And I certainly never forgave anyone for hurting me like that.
Before you.
You are my forgiveness.
You opened my eyes to the fact that just because I was hurt, doesn’t mean you did it to hurt me.
You never wanted to do that but that didn’t change that you thought what you were doing was right.
We still argue about it sometimes.
But you are my forgiveness.
Just because I know that that hurt was deep
and real
more real than any hurt I have received since was little more than an infant
doesn’t mean that I have to hold it against you
or against myself
I love you eternally.
Growing apart for us doesn’t have to be inevitable
Maturing and changing
Becoming more of who life is shaping us to be
That doesn’t mean that our closeness still isn’t meant to be
If I do nothing else great with my life
nothing of import or worthy of notice
I will go to my grave with the satisfaction of knowing that I did not let my relationships follow the pattern of societal acceptance.
I will hold on to people I have known forever, for loyalties sake.
For love’s sake.
I will never stop loving you, or them, so why should I let the warmth between us die just because friendships don’t “usually” last that long?
When I’m 30, I want you to call me old and laugh.
When you’re 40, I’m going to dye your hair completely grey instead of back to black.
When you finally have those little offshoots called children, they will call me auntie and I will let them name any kittens my hoard of cats is likely to have
When I finally pop a few out, you will be their stern uncle, that warns them against the flighty ways of their ever errant mother
Telling them stories of drunken nights and bad decisions
Scaring them with almost too many details about who we both used to be
Our matching pair of German Shepherds and our almost identical college diplomas will always remind us of where we came from and how far we’ve come down
The road out of the labyrinth.
I have never let anyone hurt me so deeply before you did.
And I certainly never forgave anyone for hurting me like that.
Before you.
You are my forgiveness.
You opened my eyes to the fact that just because I was hurt, doesn’t mean you did it to hurt me.
You never wanted to do that but that didn’t change that you thought what you were doing was right.
We still argue about it sometimes.
But you are my forgiveness.
Just because I know that that hurt was deep
and real
more real than any hurt I have received since was little more than an infant
doesn’t mean that I have to hold it against you
or against myself
I love you eternally.
Growing apart for us doesn’t have to be inevitable
Maturing and changing
Becoming more of who life is shaping us to be
That doesn’t mean that our closeness still isn’t meant to be
If I do nothing else great with my life
nothing of import or worthy of notice
I will go to my grave with the satisfaction of knowing that I did not let my relationships follow the pattern of societal acceptance.
I will hold on to people I have known forever, for loyalties sake.
For love’s sake.
I will never stop loving you, or them, so why should I let the warmth between us die just because friendships don’t “usually” last that long?
When I’m 30, I want you to call me old and laugh.
When you’re 40, I’m going to dye your hair completely grey instead of back to black.
When you finally have those little offshoots called children, they will call me auntie and I will let them name any kittens my hoard of cats is likely to have
When I finally pop a few out, you will be their stern uncle, that warns them against the flighty ways of their ever errant mother
Telling them stories of drunken nights and bad decisions
Scaring them with almost too many details about who we both used to be
Our matching pair of German Shepherds and our almost identical college diplomas will always remind us of where we came from and how far we’ve come down
The road out of the labyrinth.
