12 Again
by @jielyn-cerlette-lopez
It's been a few days.
Just when I thought I was getting better,
Another of my broken pieces crumbled.
Out for a drink, this seems to be a routine.
I'm with a new crowd tonight.
It has been fun all around,
I managed to escape the bad things in my head,
Even just for a couple of hours, it's a relief.
It's 1 am, I've been drinking since 5 pm.
Time to go home, we booked a ride and filed inside.
An hour ride, it's too long.
My sobriety already creeping in,
I need a new buzz before I turn in.
Then I felt his hands on my legs.
Slowly inching up, caressing its way in.
I instantly froze, my mind went blank,
My body numb.
He turned my head towards him,
And he reached in for a quick peck on my lips.
I just sat there, frozen with terror.
Suddenly I'm twelve again.
Pushing my uncle off of me.
Suddenly I am transported to my bedroom 16 years prior.
Willing myself to die, while gagging on my uncle's tongue.
He is no longer him, he is my uncle,
I can smell his sweat, the booze in his mouth, his cigarette breath.
And I am twelve again.
I just continued sitting there on that car,
Frozen, paralyzed by fear and terror,
As he caressed my body more freely now,
My silence, an invitation,
I am his and I am gone.
I have once again retreated in my head,
Surrounding myself with my blanky,
Holding on to my favorite doll.
I am twelve again,
And will be enduring another ten years of this.