Univited, unwanted,
yes haunted,
alone in a crowd
head up in the cloud.
Weightless, dragging,
nothing's making sense.
This is just babbling,
no more understanding
a mirthless laugh,
I am not enough.
Much pain to endure
and there is no cure.
Pounding head,
I felt dead.
Empty heart,
torn apart.
I gave a tap,
I've given up.
Jan 22, 2020
Jan 22, 2020 at 9:25 AM UTC
It's been a few days.
Just when I thought I was getting better,
Another of my broken pieces crumbled.
Out for a drink, this seems to be a routine.
I'm with a new crowd tonight.
It has been fun all around,
I managed to escape the bad things in my head,
Even just for a couple of hours, it's a relief.
It's 1 am, I've been drinking since 5 pm.
Time to go home, we booked a ride and filed inside.
An hour ride, it's too long.
My sobriety already creeping in,
I need a new buzz before I turn in.
Then I felt his hands on my legs.
Slowly inching up, caressing its way in.
I instantly froze, my mind went blank,
My body numb.
He turned my head towards him,
And he reached in for a quick peck on my lips.
I just sat there, frozen with terror.
Suddenly I'm twelve again.
Pushing my uncle off of me.
Suddenly I am transported to my bedroom 16 years prior.
Willing myself to die, while gagging on my uncle's tongue.
He is no longer him, he is my uncle,
I can smell his sweat, the ***** in his mouth, his cigarette breath.
And I am twelve again.
I just continued sitting there on that car,
Frozen, paralyzed by fear and terror,
As he caressed my body more freely now,
My silence, an invitation,
I am his and I am gone.
I have once again retreated in my head,
Surrounding myself with my blanky,
Holding on to my favorite doll.
I am twelve again,
And will be enduring another ten years of this.
Nov 27, 2019
Nov 27, 2019 at 8:29 AM UTC
Running through this life,
With nowhere else to go.
Sticking to myself,
Got nothing else to do.
Hanging by a thread,
I can barely breathe.
Stepping near the edge,
Wond'ring what’s beneath.
Doing crazy things,
Always seeking danger.
Never felt complete,
Life has none to offer.
I am tired of this,
Holding on to a knife.
I am letting go,
Drowning out of life.
Then, in my life you came,
Helped me through this abyss.
You held my hand for me,
As my eyes starts to mist.
You’re always there for me,
Making me feel better.
I’m all afraid inside,
Will this really last forever?
Aug 27, 2018
Aug 27, 2018 at 10:47 PM UTC
Sometimes, it's just all about perspective.
People see what they want to see.
They believe what they are taught to believe,
Change things to the way they want it to be.
People often do not change, oh no they don't.
What you see does not really matter.
The beautiful facade, the smiles and the nods,
When this wall crumbles, you'll know them better.
People can lie, they can fake and pretend.
What you see is not always what you will get.
Some are full of **** yet empty in the end,
Only a few are true, those are the ones you shouldn't forget.
Like most people, I am a diamond, too.
I am beautiful. Shining and shimmering in the light,
Yet, I can and I will cut you if you ain't that tough.
I am multifaceted, you don't really know me, or you might.
I can change things to the way I want it to be,
Lead you to believe, what I want you to believe.
I can make you see what I want you to see,
Sometimes, it's just all about my perspective.
Jan 3, 2016
Jan 3, 2016 at 1:44 AM UTC
Sitting in the quiet pulchritude,
In limerence, I am drenched,
Luculent from head to foot.
Watching people gallivanting -
Some agathist, impavid with life,
In eucatastrophe, they are.
The lollylags and misantrophic,
Dillydallying with humdudgeon.
The rugrats in constant bumfuzzle;
Stroking their rumpots are the drunk,
A man and a woman, and a bingle,
Then a belgard was exchanged.
No noise, just music in my ears;
No argle-bargle of the blatherskite;
No conniption from old hag.
No need to absquatulate,
Just enjoy the quiet festivities.
Tiny hairs on my arms stood on end,
As I felt the wind surround me.
What a beauty this place is,
The hoddy-noddies took for granted.
Melancholy, serenity, strangely nostalgic.
Pictures of the past and the future,
Disembogue, delivered from my head.
All this images ensorcell me, over and over,
With a final intake of breath and a shudder,
I took in the picture, forever encapsulated in my mind.
Dec 2, 2015
Dec 2, 2015 at 9:46 PM UTC
*Inside the closet,
Under the bathroom sink,
My darkest fears,
It's all I could think.
This is much better,
Than the outside link,
With people in a world,
Where I could shrink.
Under which,
Where my world is a lie,
Is the only place,
Where my heart can cry.
Stopping only
For a long lonely sigh,
Means how I wish
Today I die.*
Nov 20, 2015
Nov 20, 2015 at 2:04 AM UTC
take me to those troubled seas
you have so gallantly sailed
those high-brick walls you alone have climbed
where others seem to have failed
show me how to create rainbows
pine trees and candy bars
landscapes of silver and gold
even diamonds that look like stars
teach me how to appreciate life
beauty and love
tell me about mermaids and faeries
or even angels up above
for how wise you truly are my fragile one
a lot can be learned from you
in your own little world you have become
an artist with a different point of view
how i wish i could understand
these wonderful things only you can see
but with eyes like mine it's as if i'm blind
and this is all that i can be
but you my child with your poetic soul
the universe that you'll create
will be filled with joy and laughter
and a million reasons to celebrate
Nov 9, 2015
Nov 9, 2015 at 4:37 AM UTC
*Nice and sweet goodnight,
Visions faded into light,
In my dreams your face is bright,
Your eyes twinkled with delight.
Dreamed of you every night and day,
We're together so happy and gay,
While holding hands we walk and sway,
Following the sunshine and the ray.
Hugs and kisses all around,
Running, chasing on the ground,
My heart, your heart, yes it is bound,
With each beat and every sound.
When I opened my happy eyes,
I saw the beauty of sunrise,
Felt cold and numb like an ice,
With all these visions, crazy but nice.*
Nov 9, 2015
Nov 9, 2015 at 4:18 AM UTC
I am on top of the world oh so high
Living without a care or tear in my eye
I am a happy, carefree soul
Who wants nothing more than just to end it all
I stand here now atop of a stool
Noose tied around my neck, Ready to fall
The end is coming, I hold it in my hands
The thought of my death excites me beyond belief
I'm ready to throw away this horrendous life filled with nothing but grief
Here it comes, here I go
My body once filled with warmth has suddenly gone cold
I am now free from my prison
The taste of death bittersweet
My body now hangs from the branch with nothing but earth below my feet
I did it, I won, and I finally prevailed
Or perhaps I made a mistake and instead I had failed
It appears that I had made a decision much too hasty
For this blood in my mouth is no longer tasty
I regret death and now yearn for life
I mistakenly chose darkness when I really wished for light
Now I have nothing left to do but document my mistake
With hopes that it is read so no other soul suffers the same fate
So long world for we are no longer one
My old journey has end and a new one has begun
Nov 9, 2015
Nov 9, 2015 at 3:57 AM UTC
I promise to love you unconditionally and wholly, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth and to inspire you to be a better person in a little way each day and always respect and listen to what you have to say.
I promise to stay at your side, for better or for worse, to never leave you because you are a blessing and not a curse. To support your dreams and thoughts, and to cry with and hold you during our roughest spots.
Today I take you to be my wife, for you I would gladly give up my life.
I take this ring as a reminder for our lasting commitment to one another. I take this ring as a symbol to stay loyal to each other.
I have only but a single life, and I now pledge it to you my one and only wife.
Nov 9, 2015
Nov 9, 2015 at 3:48 AM UTC