To eat or not to eat that is the question?

Seems like the journey to the answer is the source of my depression.

Obsession.

Stressed out.

No doubt.

This is hell.

Touch the bones 
As we speak in playful tones about my ill pains

Seems as if everyday I struggle with the same thing
.
This disorder has me in chains 

Doing strange things for minor relief

Crazy how fourteen years of grief

Yet I still count the calories of air

Combing out hair 

The stress causes the remains of my life to break into pieces 

Slices of happiness never lasts seems as
I’m bathing in my own blood bath

The challenge is to finish last 

Slow down the binge 

Eat normal like your friends 

Repeat.

Think I can break habit just because it’s the right thing to do?

You think I enjoy this relationship with food?

I’d divorce my past and marry your future if it meant I’d be okay 

But I remain in this mess
I began when they told I’d be fat again.

Tell a friend 
I let weight meet me again.

Feels like a sin to some how feel joy.

**** the dreams of this skinny beast.

Hug the cookies and drink the wine 

This is the cry of a disordered mind. 

Welcome to my inner thoughts

My illness greets you.

Leave your sanity at the door for you wont need that silly thing anymore.

Now eat until you can’t move then starve yourself times two. 

Make the grades because if you’re intelligent then they remain away 

Telling you how much they wish their body looked like mine 

Silly envy I here all the time 
I wonder if they knew my fears 

Would they escape?

But much like me, 
Once you figure things out it’s much too late.