Every now and then I catch myself thinking about her. She was the light of my life. And now she calls me bro and acts like nothing ever happened between us... It is the most painful thing I have experienced. I want to see her but I also don't. She betrayed my trust. But I forgave her instantly because I understood why she did it. I mean look at me, I'm just surprised she stayed with me as long as she did. I just don't want to lose her. That love, that happiness, that acceptance.... I just want her back.  But that's not going to happen now is it. Because I'm me and who wants to be with me. I hate myself. And I'm pretty sure everybody else hates me too. I'm afraid of everything. I guess that's why I'm alone now. People say I'm not alone. But I really am. I'm too afraid to go outside. At school I'm always thinking these kids are going to make fun of me. Stop looking at me. What is wrong with me. Don't touch me. Is there something on my face. Don't talk to me..  I just want to be left alone because I know that I'll just end up getting hurt again.  Whenever my friend is depressed, or thy are harming themselves. I always tell them to stop, to find another way. People try and do the same with me. I'm in the same situation. But I deny ever getting better. Because I know that happiness is a lie. Because I know that others can be. But I can never see myself being happy. Because in my life. It's just one...big..lie..