The toxic mind of a nonbeliever
by @um7
Here we go again
In the same hole where my battles began
The arena where I bleed, and bruise, and faint
Where the shadows pick and split my flesh day by day
I don't think I have much longer to live - to feel the drive
I can barely hold my weapon straight and fight
I've become such a miserable sight
I can no longer come back to the high
I can no longer get by
It's like there's a tide, great and strong
I tried to break to the surface for so long
To see through the tricky fog
Whisper the words of reassurance so I can never forget their warmth or their song
Still, I suffocate with all of the load
I am trusted back under the foam
My hands are beaten and raw
Fingers fractured, my nails fall
I am no longer their little fawn
The tears, the cheers, the kisses, the enticing words - I no longer feel their want
I don't have enough patience nor the strength to wait for another day
I shake, terrified yet beckoned to the blade
My string beginning to fade
Their voices are faint
The choice is laid
The real question is do I have the guts to persuade?
I'm scared and it hurts
And you know how much I loathe pain
It juts - I feel like there's not much to gain
Maybe it's time I let them take the rein
God I'm such a mess
Too dumb to play a simple game of chess
Always the one to make a fuss
And always first to hurt someone and deprive them of must
Someone once said, "Liers and deceivers fear the pointed ends of their spear."
Is that why it's my greatest fear?
Or am I just making up it all again?
If that is so, why contemplate the attempt?
Why the need for marred skin and blood?
Why imagining suffocation from the flood?
Why looking at the pills resting in the nook of the drawer?
Is death lenient towards people like me?
Or does it scoff at the ignorance, the audacity, the weakness of their spirit - that I don't know
Maybe I am indeed selfish
Maybe I am an attention-seeking white liver
But I can't take in the fever
And that friend, is the toxic mind of a nonbeliever