Five years ago,
I had a best friend.
She was perfection.
Beautiful,
Smart,
Athletic,
Kind.
My favorite things were
the bus rides home,
the park,
sleepovers..
with her.

Four years ago
was when we started drifting.
While she was still perfection,
I was awkward and quiet.
I spent most of my time in the library,
Struggled to keep my grades up,
and had very few friends.
This is when it began.

Three years ago,
We didn't talk at school.
We still rode our bikes on the weekend.
I was friends with "the weird kids."
The *** head,
The freak,
The emo one.
I didn't feel like I belonged,
but I was happy to have friends.

Two years ago,
I was so happy.
But by this point, my best friend had moved.
We no longer talked.
Thanks to a good friend,
I was introduced to everyone that made me, me.
Through him I met
My new best friend.
The first boy I ever loved.
The people that became like family to me.
Sounds like a happy ending, almost..

One year ago,
I struggled in school,
almost everyone I knew went somewhere else.
I drifted from my closest friends.
My mind was elsewhere
and the only thing I ever wanted to know
was when I could sleep again.
This is when it was at it's worst.
I struggled not only in school,
but with body image and self esteem.
I was too afraid to ask for help,
and I didn't know how to accept what was offered.
When I was at my lowest,
I didn't know how to cope.

Today,
I am left with a cluster of
small, thin, white lines here and there.
A distorted view of eating and health.
A low self worth.
I am left still struggling,
and although people know my past,
they don't know that I still struggle,
I still hide to protect myself.
But now,
I feel that the people with the most courage are the ones
who can admit they aren't okay, they can take the help that is offered.
I hope to help someone like me one day.