I sat on your windowsill and you were paranoid about your car
I filled your fridge and your freezer and I cooked even if you didn’t ask
you’d grab me hard from behind with a look in your eyes that I couldn’t quite place
you didn’t know how to clean and you kept the same sheets for way too long
despite the blood stains I’d left on them
I finally let you read my poems but I don’t think you ever understood them
they’re not flawless so it’s okay
the places you went to were lame but I didn’t dare to tell you
turns out my friend didn’t like you and it may be inappropriate to choke me in your car
to think my neck was left blue from the way you’d attack it
but I’m young and I thought that was affection and what *** was like
because you were older and you liked ***
I think you liked it a lot
sometimes I didn’t want to but maybe I should give up just for you because maybe that’s what love is
you must know more than me
you got drunk way too easily and then you’d be over me again
but that’s what I see in movies and what I read in books so it must be okay
I think your taste in music is bad and your friends are immature
you let them know you were inside of me an hour ago
but I suppose it’s okay even if it feels strange hearing you say it
I didn’t cover up my bruises when I met your family and only your father mentioned it
but that just made it worse
we stayed up late and sometimes I’d follow you to work
that’s where you saw me cry for the first time
I cried a lot that day
it hurts to think about that sometimes and that’s why I’m getting help
because I cry when I put on makeup and I cry when I see your clothes
I can’t wear that same perfume and I’m always on edge
you said it’s my fault because you warned me and said sorry
but I don’t think you can feel remorse if you don’t know what you’re apologizing
for
you made me feel like I was crazy and then I stopped answering your texts
I said okay
and then I left