Today my eyes are sore,
swollen with the promise of tears if anyone gets too close.

And I keep thinking about you,
as the winter sky presses down on me
and I know I’m not okay.

The remittent sadness is back,
proclaiming itself to be the king of my land,
my body,
my mind.
It plants ugly flowers in my rib cage,
watering them with it’s early morning rain.
And I know,
that tomorrow when I wake,
for a split second I will forget this loneliness,
but then I won’t.
And the dread will kick in
kicking my sleep drenched euphoric thoughts into reality.
And then my brain will say,
‘Oh, I woke up alive again’.

But most of all,
my heart will say,
‘don’t’.

My eyes are sore today,
you know this,
I know this
and I am thinking of you a million miles away
and a bird knocks on my window
and then everything is silent
and that’s when the loneliness gets too close

*and I cry.