I am fifteen
There isn’t much freedom in that number
And my parents are so confusing
But that is what fifteen is
A confusing time

I am fifteen
And my mom gets mad at me for not being social,
Locking myself in my room, away from everyone and everything, to read
But when I try to go out with friends,
Or I finally get a good boyfriend, one that treats me like I am the sun, moon, and the stars themselves,
They get mad at me.
This is a confusing time

I am fifteen
And I don’t have many friends
Because I am weird
But it’s not my fault
I just got so broken
That I felt like normal was too impossible to reach at this point
This is a confusing time

I am fifteen
And I am told that I am beautiful
And ugly
I don’t know who to believe
Because the people who have known me for years
Tell me I am ugly inside and out
And the people who are the light
Entering my life, anew
All say that I am beautiful
Persona and reflection
But I choose to just follow the lead of the first
Because if they’ve known me for years
They know best
And ugly sound like more of a fact
This is a confusing time.

I am fifteen
And the only thing that makes any sense anymore
Is nothing
Because nothing is where everything begins
The deep dark pit of which we dig our hands deep and pull out a new task.