she was sad
not the "hopeful" kind of sad
not the bitter kind of sad
not the kind of sad "that just takes time"
it was the kind of sad
that kept her awake at night
the loneliness
the self-hatred
the fact that she would never be good enough
the fear of rejection
the worthlessness
all created a bigger and bigger space in her chest with each passing minute
and during the day
she faked smiles and laughed at jokes that she didn't really think were funny
she tried to fill the space with good music
and everything else that should make normal people happy
but all this just made the space grow bigger
her chest expanded like a big balloon
and she kind of hoped that one day
the balloon would become big enough
so she could just float away