Maybe it's because I only come here when I get depressed...
And when I'm not, I think writing is stupid, and that no one cares, and that I was just pathetic looking for attention.

I started taking a mood stabilizer earlier this week after the psychiatrist told me anti-depressants won't work. They'll make me worse.

I have been going to therapy for my so-called depression for about 7 years... not continuously though, a year or two in between I thought I cured myself when I was hypomanic.

Anyway, I always refused to take medication for whatever reason, but in the past two months, I fell into a deep and dark hole that I thought I couldn't get out of and for whatever reason I told my therapist that I wanted to try medication.

I was referred to a psychiatrist and that's when I found out.

It all makes sense.
I hope the medication works.
I want to be normal.

So my depression all along was actually bipolar disorder. The entire time my hypomania hid behind self-help books, my ocd, my eating disorder, my anxiety, my high energy, my reckless decisions, my thoughts about how I was fine and making everything up, the false sense of happiness...

I only wrote when I fell into a dark place.

It all makes so much sense.