A blank white space of time,
where your words rebound
from the walls of my skull,
bullets in the midst of a
ricochet.
Who am I to give you what you so badly desire?
You, whose eyes are full but dim,
whose laugh is loud and empty.
You come to me with this longing,
this supposed need,
and request from me to drive away
these demons from your
tin can of a soul.
How can a phrase so simple be so difficult to understand?
If I give you from myself,
it will be from the best parts,
and those alone.
The language of my soul
will be yours to decipher.
Can you hear me
from across this drunken spinning darkened room,
or are the flashing lights
affecting your hearing?
My eyes are screaming bloody screams,
the green melds and mixes
and turns to brown,
you say how strange,
your eyes were green an hour ago,
as you sip your beer frothing onto the table.
Do you feel my heart pounding,
my sweat glands opening
in my neck and down my back?
No I'm not used to this,
my body is mine,
always has been,
and who are you,
so special that I should give you a share
forever in me?
Legs open, flowers unfurl,
what's that, you're a florist, you say?
How intriguing.
Hands shaking, eyes closed,
senses on full alert,
and who are you to do this to me,
with me,
this vicious crime against my soul?
Hand upon hand, lips upon skin like velvet,
forehead to forehead and heart rates decrease.
Your eyes are shining poison
and mine confusion.
It's a process to process, I say, and you nod,
and I'm surprised to note that you're still here,
I'm still here,
cars are still honking and the world continues to spin on its axis.
My heart retreats from my throat to my chest,
and then surprisingly,
it stops before hitting my stomach
and falling splat on the floor altogether,
bloody and veiny and tired of beating.
No, it stays securely in place,
and as I digest this information again
I notice that you have not gone.
You watch my struggle
and your eyes are so sad,
so full of regret that I forget myself,
my heart,
my stomach,
my fear.
I want to cut out the feeling parts of myself
so that I can say goodbye
to this part of myself calmly and with poise,
leave it to dry up in the desert sun
on a sidewalk next to the dog shit
I almost stepped in earlier today.
You collect myself,
I collect yourself,
what is love without pain,
hello without goodbye?
Fear is a game.
Stand up straight,
tighten your belt,
focus your mind till it's a
sharpened pencil.
Rule yourself and in the process
allow yourself to be ruled.
Feel the warmth
hidden in the frigid air
like a child who plays an
endless game of hide and seek.
Embrace yourself,
allow yourself to be enfolded
into the soul of another.
This is a test of your faith in humanity.
We are good,
you and I.
We are honest, warm,
we are miracles and wonders
walking a planet filled with emerald greens
and far away horizons,
glittery night skies and reflective snowy days.
My soul is aglow,
and yours is as well,
and maybe together we can provide enough electricity
to light a home, a skyscraper,
the whole city of Manhattan.
We owe it to ourselves to try.
So goodbye, fear.
I leave you with a kiss and a sad smile.
You look so lonely there,
naked in the windy night.
I'm sorry I had to strip you down, fear,
and I thank you for what you've provided
until this moment,
but I must leave you now.
I don't want to hurt you but I'm glad
you cannot follow me to the places I'm going.
My soul is home to other beings now,
and I simply do not have a guest bed
for you to lay claim to.
Goodbye, my once upon a time.
My love is now directed elsewhere.