Cancer, they told me
The spot on my breast.
Cancer, they said
What a weight on my chest.
What a weight on my husband, my child my friends
It sure makes you wonder if you’ll live all those “whens”

…When my baby grows up
…When my son becomes a groom
…When my daughter finds love and a child fills her womb

…When I can travel the world once my husband retires
Now it’s when will I feel myself again,
and holding onto time as it expires
Now it’s needles and doctors and daily medication
Now it’s watching the clock tick, and praying for healthy restoration

What a weight on my spirit, my heart and my soul
What a weight I can feel as this disease takes its toll
What a weight, I can feel it, on my shoulders, my mind
Begging God to let me press fast forward - or at least hit rewind

Back to when I was healthy, back to energy and hair
Back to a time I didn’t feel such despair
Or to the future, if that means I can say I’m cancer free
Anytime I will take it-when I can just feel like me.

Until then, I will plan all the “whens” of my life
I will picture my daughter becoming a wife
I will picture my son when he grows to a man
I will remind myself my “whens” are all in God’s plan

When the weight will be gone
When my eyebrows aren’t drawn
When my wigs are no longer
When my legs, when my arms, when my heart feels stronger

When? I don’t know.
Not today. Not tomorrow.
But today, I have life, so for that I have no sorrow.
I don’t know how many “whens” He’ll keep giving.
But the “whens” are my antidote, they are what keeps me living.