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Chalaine Scott Mar 2013
Cancer, they told me
The spot on my breast.
Cancer, they said
What a weight on my chest.
What a weight on my husband, my child my friends
It sure makes you wonder if you’ll live all those “whens”

…When my baby grows up
…When my son becomes a groom
…When my daughter finds love and a child fills her womb

…When I can travel the world once my husband retires
Now it’s when will I feel myself again,
and holding onto time as it expires
Now it’s needles and doctors and daily medication
Now it’s watching the clock tick, and praying for healthy restoration

What a weight on my spirit, my heart and my soul
What a weight I can feel as this disease takes its toll
What a weight, I can feel it, on my shoulders, my mind
Begging God to let me press fast forward - or at least hit rewind

Back to when I was healthy, back to energy and hair
Back to a time I didn’t feel such despair
Or to the future, if that means I can say I’m cancer free
Anytime I will take it-when I can just feel like me.

Until then, I will plan all the “whens” of my life
I will picture my daughter becoming a wife
I will picture my son when he grows to a man
I will remind myself my “whens” are all in God’s plan

When the weight will be gone
When my eyebrows aren’t drawn
When my wigs are no longer
When my legs, when my arms, when my heart feels stronger

When? I don’t know.
Not today. Not tomorrow.
But today, I have life, so for that I have no sorrow.
I don’t know how many “whens” He’ll keep giving.
But the “whens” are my antidote, they are what keeps me living.
Chalaine Scott Feb 2013
Always eager, never feeble.
Lives to do it, will pursue it.
Never coward, will-powered.

Burning desire, unknowingly inspire.
Good under pressure,
The best, expect nothing lesser.

Extreme will and devotion,
Do not cause scene or commotion.
Attentively listen,
Very well disciplined.

Works until the job is done,
willing to risk his life for a son.
Never asks for applause,
works for a cause.

Pays a price for a result,
gives all without exult.
Qualified to protect, command respect.

Valiant and ready to save,
all in the name of the home of the brave.

Self motivation,
gives whatever it takes for the sake of a nation.

Dignified, noble and strong,
rush in when things go wrong.
Sacrifice so you can have your freedom,
Let him know that you need him.
Chalaine Scott Jan 2013
There’s not enough time to list all of my doubts and fears
They take enough consuming my thoughts and sometimes-even tears
All I know is you like me, and baby, I like you
And something inside tells my heart that’s all I need to hold on to.

But there’s a part of me that just doesn’t know,
A part of my independence I don’t want to let go.
A feeling that says love is a want, not a need
A feeling that my heart diminishes as it bleeds.

Onto the paper as it is blotted
Onto the chords so bunched up and knotted
Onto the fabric so ripped and so tangled
All these emotions have me torn up and strangled.

So what do I do?  Where do I go?
If I don’t extend the chance, how will I ever know?
Do you listen to the doubts or do you challenge all the fear?
Do you keep up the blinders or break them down and make it clear?

The price has been paid with all of the loss
Too many bridges that I’ve had to cross
Every time without fail my heart pays the toll
But love is the only way to piece a heart back together,
The only way to make it whole.

All I know, is you like me, and baby I like you.
And something inside tells my heart that’s all I need to hold on to.
Chalaine Scott Dec 2012
A poor little boy with nothing to wear
climbed up in his mother's lap clinging his filthy teddy bear.

The mother pushed him aside as she inhaled some more drugs;
All the little boy wanted was just one little hug.

With nothing to do and no one to love,
the small boy sat down to talk to the One above.

"God, if you're up there, please let my mama know,
that even though she don't love me much, God.. I love her so.
Even though she hits me and tells me to go away,
please let her know God, I love her anyway."

The only sound that could be heard was that of the rats and the roaches
but a loud thump caused the boy to turn around,
only to see his mother lifeless on the ground.
"Oh mama," he whispered.
Then a deep voice yelled, "do you want the kid dead too?"
5 short years was all the little boy got to live through.

A rich happy boy climbs up in his Father's lap,
safe and secure knowing He loves him back.
His dad wraps His arms around him and holds him very tight
as the little boy grips his father's hand with all of his might.

The Father asks the little son
"was it hard loving someone who you knew didn't love you back?"
The little boy smiled and quickly replied,
"Well, You do it all the time."
And smiling, Jesus sighed.
Chalaine Scott Dec 2012
Dear Mom it's me-I just wanted to say hi
I'm really sad our entire relationship was based on a goodbye.
It's okay though Mommy, I guess I have to understand
I heard you say over and over, I was just not what you had planned.

Although it really breaks my heart I never got to held by you,
To be tucked in your arms nice and snug, just to know you love me too.
I didn’t even get the chance to see you smile, or for you to meet my eyes
And you'll never get to hear the way I sounded when I cried.
You never got to see my tiny fingers or my long toes
And you never got the chance to meet this crinkly wrinkle on my nose.

I wished I could have rubbed my soft little fingers across your cheek,
Or that you could’ve been there for me when I was sick, when I was weak.
But don’t worry I'm okay now mommy, its like I'm all brand new.
I just wanted to remind you of how much I love you.

Hey Mom it’s me- I just wanted to check in.
I know I never grew enough to have any skin
But just to let you know, I have a soul and heart,
And I really wish you hadn’t chosen for us to be apart.

Six years have gone by now, time has gone by pretty fast
But I hope the memory you have of me in your heart will forever last.
I see that I have brand-new little brother, you chose to call him Lee
And it made me wonder Mommy, what would you have named me?
Tell my little brother that I love and him and that I wish I could give him a kiss
And that I'm sorry growing up together is something we will have to miss.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you that my favorite color is red,
And I have exactly 3 freckles I counted on my forehead.
My favorite thing to do is play dress up and run around,
Also, I always like to pick flowers, you have a big collection from what I've found.

I think you would have thought I was the world's greatest dancer
Oh and I have one best friend, when she was two she was diagnosed with cancer.
So last year she moved up here to permanently stay
I hope you'll be able to meet us both one day.
That’s all I wanted, just to tell you about me,
If we were together you would have loved me, I guarantee.

Goodbye for now mommy, tell Lee I said bye too.
And don’t forget, I will always love you.
Chalaine Scott Dec 2012
So I slip:
Heart races.
Beats:
First Slow,
Then Fast.

So I slip:
Fingers grip.
Intertwine:
First nervously,
Then routine.

So I slip:
Lips part.
Meet:
First soft,
Then hard.

So I slip:
Skins touch.
Embrace:
First chest,
Then hips.

So I slip:
Bodies give.
Feel:
First love,
Then passion.

So I slip:
Souls unite.
Romance:
First young,
Then forever.
Chalaine Scott Dec 2012
Chalkboards and easels, pencils and toys
Desks lined up in aisles of little girls and boys.
A classroom, learning the A B C’s, two plus two equals four
But this day, all that learning didn’t matter anymore.

A girl with a bow, a boy with a grin
Children with freckles scattered on their skin.
A daughter, a brother, a grandkid, a friend
A lot of moms never thinking these titles would end.

Lego’s and the alphabet, Mrs. Soto taught them how to write a name
And then a mad-man stormed in, with destruction he came.
He shot down a daughter, a son, a wife
He shot down a child, a baby, a life.
Lessons in elementary consist of building Lego’s, catching butterflies in the sky
Lessons as a 6-year-old should never be what your friend looks like as they die.

Moms stuff a lunchbox with treats; Dads stuff a ball in a glove
Parents raise children; stuff a heart full of love.
They teach how to ride a bike, put a band-aid on a scratched up knee
What they should never have to do though, is bury their babies beneath a tree.

But there is evil in this world, a darkness that engulfs the light
There is an evil that reigns that humanity can’t fight.
The safest places are not safe, the most guarded unsecure
In the world we live of ignoring God and provoking massacre.

We denounce Him out of government, our country, and our schools
We ask that He move aside so that we can make the rules.
And then we blame Him when there’s death; but we don’t thank Him when there’s life
We don’t bless Him when there’s goodness; we just curse Him when there’s strife.


Moms are always good at preparing children for the day
With some things that don't matter, clinging to a love that will never go away.
Mothers, kiss your babies. Fathers, hold their hand.
Devastation comes unannounced, we will never understand.

At home in Newtown, a dog sits waiting at the door
He stares out the window, his tail wagging no more.
He sits by the window, lots of time he’ll spend
Waiting to welcome his very best friend
Jump up on her lap, smell her scent, steal her sock
But his owner won’t be coming home; no more leash, no more walk.

I think Jesus sat by his window this very same way
Waiting to welcome His children that awful Friday
He greeted them from His throne that December afternoon
And as they entered through the Pearly Gates, He healed all their wounds.

A classroom filled with giggles, children’s voices - the sweet sound
This same classroom turned from liveliness to a too-young burial ground.
But we hold on to the giggles, and we hold on to their love
And the promise of a Father taking care of them, above.

— The End —