“You don’t have to say you love me,
I will understand.
You don’t have to stay forever
Just because you can.”

I wasn’t enough.
You kept telling me to stop saying that.
But if you took our relationship and boiled it down to a sticky dark residue,
It would show you
I wasn’t enough.

We never said
We loved each other,
Until the end.

“Believe me,
Oh,
Believe me.”

Sitting in your car,
My hand on the door.
I had dabbed the edges of my eyes
To keep the perfectly applied makeup intact.
When I said it,
“I fell in love with you.”
Silence.

“You don’t have to say you love me,
Just because you can.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t love her the way I do,
Maybe I should’ve loved her the way I love you.”
I loved you in the quiet way.
In the way that made me pop the cap off of your beer,
Or walk up behind you and hug you.
In the way that made me stroke your forehead in your sleep,
And learn the touch of your hands.
I didn’t demand anything,
I never demanded from you.

“Believe me.
Oh, believe me.”

You loved me in the way that you would wash my dishes for me,
And give me rides to work
So I didn’t have to walk in the rain.
In the way that you’d cook for me,
And buy me extra towels.
We loved each other in action.
Without demanding anything from each other,
We let ourselves have room
But made clear we were each there.

“You don’t have to stay forever,
I will understand.”

I had it all figured out.
I forced myself to channel my love for you
Into our friendship.
I told myself every time I saw you
That you were never truly mine to lose.
That it was only a few weeks,
That we could make this work.
And then you said it...
“We might not always be friends, just keep an open mind.”
And I took it the way that made my chest swell with hope,
Instead of the way it was meant.

“Believe me,
Oh, believe me.”

And then
One drunken night
You slept over
In my small twin bed.
I tried to keep my body as far from yours
As possible.
I wanted to honor the woman
You were trying to have a family with.
But you touched me.
I told you to think about what you were doing.
You said you wouldn’t tell her,
I said that didn’t make it okay.

Please don’t make me love you again.
Please don’t stay forever,
I’m trying to move on.
Believe me.