Sep 2019
I miss what we had
I miss the long walks, the lunch dates that turned to dinner dates.
I miss the ice cream stops, that had us lost in conversation, not looking for direction because being lost in your company means I had reached my destination.
I miss the late night calls, that turned to early morning calls.
I miss having the sound of your voice whisper joys of laughter in my ear while I smirk secretly, taking pride in making my lady laugh to a point where her laugh was inaudible, now she’s totally inaudible. I hardly hear her voice and my day goes by without her saying hi, and sometimes I feel like this is goodbye.
Goodbye to the memories, and the future. Goodbye to the past, and the future and now when I do role call, Absent is always in attendance, taking your place, almost like you were never there but my mind holds evidence of your presence, and now you’re always present in every thought and every action, and not to mention how I find myself making conversation of our old conversations, and starring closely at your pictures, hoping that somehow, life will favor me with you, and somehow you’d jump out these pictures on my communication device so I can communicate with you without needing this device.
Somehow, I wish the Present will come to its senses, so we can, once again, finish each other sentences. If not, I’ll settle for just your essence that I apply like a fragrance, walking around with your scent like a cologne or fragrance that never loses its scent, it doesn’t make sense how I have to live without you because life has been quite heavy and at some point I lived for you.
And no, I won’t die without you but my perception of love and my willingness to love will. I don’t see life without you but if I have to, I might as well have one Rib. I’ll be Adam who doesn’t need no Eve that will leave on the eve of their forever. I will be Adam in the garden of Eden, working and praying to God that the pain of not having my rib won’t pierce my heart like how Jesus’ side was pierced, and just like Jesus, if that pain ever manifested I’d bleed love, and every trace of you.
If the pain ever pierced my side, I’d bleed out. My insides will have your finger prints on it, and I know it doesn’t make sense to have finger prints on a dense liquid but your touch is so deep that my blood would bleed the fragrance of your essence, and your words would be the vessels to having experienced your presence, and my heart would embody your body as my body embraced yours, so vigorously, but cautiously because passion and pleasure need to make room for love, just like how I made room in my heart for you.
If I ever have to live without you, I will accept it and move on. I will forget about you, and never speak of you. I, will live my life having forgotten you ever existed. Haha, I know right. I had myself going for a moment. If I ever have to live life without you, let life live life without me.
I miss the long walks, the lunch dates that turned to dinner dates.
I miss the ice cream stops, that had us lost in conversation, not looking for direction because being lost in your company means I had reached my destination.
I miss the late night calls, that turned to early morning calls.
I miss having the sound of your voice whisper joys of laughter in my ear while I smirk secretly, taking pride in making my lady laugh to a point where her laugh was inaudible, now she’s totally inaudible. I hardly hear her voice and my day goes by without her saying hi, and sometimes I feel like this is goodbye.
Goodbye to the memories, and the future. Goodbye to the past, and the future and now when I do role call, Absent is always in attendance, taking your place, almost like you were never there but my mind holds evidence of your presence, and now you’re always present in every thought and every action, and not to mention how I find myself making conversation of our old conversations, and starring closely at your pictures, hoping that somehow, life will favor me with you, and somehow you’d jump out these pictures on my communication device so I can communicate with you without needing this device.
Somehow, I wish the Present will come to its senses, so we can, once again, finish each other sentences. If not, I’ll settle for just your essence that I apply like a fragrance, walking around with your scent like a cologne or fragrance that never loses its scent, it doesn’t make sense how I have to live without you because life has been quite heavy and at some point I lived for you.
And no, I won’t die without you but my perception of love and my willingness to love will. I don’t see life without you but if I have to, I might as well have one Rib. I’ll be Adam who doesn’t need no Eve that will leave on the eve of their forever. I will be Adam in the garden of Eden, working and praying to God that the pain of not having my rib won’t pierce my heart like how Jesus’ side was pierced, and just like Jesus, if that pain ever manifested I’d bleed love, and every trace of you.
If the pain ever pierced my side, I’d bleed out. My insides will have your finger prints on it, and I know it doesn’t make sense to have finger prints on a dense liquid but your touch is so deep that my blood would bleed the fragrance of your essence, and your words would be the vessels to having experienced your presence, and my heart would embody your body as my body embraced yours, so vigorously, but cautiously because passion and pleasure need to make room for love, just like how I made room in my heart for you.
If I ever have to live without you, I will accept it and move on. I will forget about you, and never speak of you. I, will live my life having forgotten you ever existed. Haha, I know right. I had myself going for a moment. If I ever have to live life without you, let life live life without me.
