I am distracted from sadness,
but it is still there,
always.
I want to be with other people
to take away the physical hurt I feel
from not being with you.
It's a crushing feeling,
feeling you gone.
I don't want it to be like this.
But I also know what I deserve,
and I know you cannot give that to me.
I am not sure that anyone can.
All my life I have been
a hopeless romantic,
always seeing the beautiful sides of things
and ignoring the ugly.
But maybe there's just
too much ugly,
and there's no way I can
avoid or escape it anymore.
I want to be with you,
forever,
even still.
I miss the darkness.
Maybe I am not destined to be happy,
to be satisfied.
I still know that I am meant
to be with you,
and I long for you to be next to me.
I think I should call you.
I think I shouldn't,
I think I will.