he gave me nostrums
that calmed me
he asked about the
protruding ladder lines
on my left arm

he asked about my dead dad
and the life i had
i told him i'm happy for now
while begging the Lord for a new brain

i mourned and mourned
for losing the person i was
the one that did not depend
on nostrums for stability
the one that did not spend
nights on the cold bathroom floor

i know i can't be cured
and will live with this brain forever
i decided to love parts of me
that i could never change
and accepted that my salty tears
would never heal my bipolar brain