Hi.
Hello.
Distanced greetings to replace what I would rather say to you.
You may be a "hi" on a Monday but on my day off, you are a "please come over".
On day off number two, you are a "see me, touch me, be with me",
not With me--with me, I could not handle that,
but be near me like we use to,
how we can manipulate the clock into making the day 25 hours long without noticing.
Time is more observed now.
I see an hour spent with you like I see a full moon,
waining, waining,
I am Waiting, waiting to effortlessly know you again.
Do not worry about your privacy, I don't want to take it.
I am not in love,
this is not about that,
if it were, I would know what to do.
No, this is something much more permanent than the fluctuating ecstasy of love.
This is loss.
You know that is hard for me.
I can't go on a date and laugh and drink and forget.
To be clear, I am not upset if you can.
Maybe all you are losing is me,
maybe that thought has settled in and been accepted,
look at all you can gain now,right?
I lose weight. I lose sleep. I lose support. I lose a second family. I lose holidays away from home.
I lose friends that were yours, that were mine, that were really yours.
I lose you and it is more than I am used to losing.
I stub my toe every time I say your name, think your name,
hoping it will force me to stop thinking your name,
this is not a fun game.
The pieces of us when we broke, no longer fit,
with that I agree,
but don't you think with all the pieces of you and all
the pieces of me,
one is hiding to be found when we are whole people.
It's a nice thought anyway that stops me from down playing what we were.
I often convince myself of a truth that could be possible.
You do not care for me,
you will not call me,
you will not remind me any of this was real
because you don't love me.
You write in that book what I want to hear in my ear,
Please don't study me and take notes.
The experiment chapter is over.
You got the results,
I got what is left.