What is it like to be *****?

It's like waking up and having sleep paralysis.
You can't move your arms,
you can't move your legs.
You can hardly breathe and the whole time you're panicking.
Until you just accept that you can't change it.
You've tried shaking yourself awake
and getting your limbs to flail in an attempt to move yourself.
But nothing works.

It's like waking up with a target on your back
begging boys and men to call you a **** because you
"shouldn't have drank so much."
Is 2 beers and half a cup of whiskey "too much" to you?
Did you acknowledge the fact that it might have been spiked?
Nobody believes you because all the details weren't perfect,
and because you weren't the perfect victim.

Imagine saying no 3 times after he begs you
"please, baby, it'll just be in and out, really quick."
Imagine him getting frustrated with you,
shoving you down on your back
and taking off your pants.
Imagine how it feels when he goes inside of you.
It's like your soul is ripping out of you from the inside,
and the worst part is that you think you're in love with that human.
And because of that, you don't say anything.
You're in shock that he did it,
and he takes your silence as a compliment while he brags about how "tight" you are.

Now you're dating someone four years later.
He's a new guy, and respectable.
He's sweet and wouldn't harm you, that you know of.
You've decided not to tell him about the baggage you carry around
from being a **** victim because it always causes problems.
You've since gotten over the emotional damage for the most part.
But he's started to notice the way you flinch
when he touches certain areas of your body.
The way you get quiet when he doesn't understand why you're not in the mood,
because you're too scared to hurt his feelings.

The memories of what happened to you are always going to be there.
They will never leave.