it really ***** you know, being afraid of every possible little thing that could and would and might happen.

it dictates my life, and just as soon as i feel like i'm going to break through this, and get better, and start looking forward to living, i slip and fall and have to start lower from where i was originally. the other bad part about this is nobody really knows, it isn't about family life or friends or school.

it's how i'm feeling inside.

it stinks.

why am i so afraid of everyone else

why am i afraid to just be myself?

why can't i get out of bed without thinking of immediate suicide?

why am i asking so many questions?

why am i too tired to pick up the knife, and lash at my legs.

heck i might even do it on my stomach

but no, that's too much work.

why must i worry about what others see on my body, it's my body, isn't it dumb how people will intervene, and make you feel worse

because you harm yourself?

it isn't their body, it's mine. mine all mine. the one thing in this world that is truly mine, that is truly ME. something i can create or destroy in a matter of seconds.

why do i have to be worried so much? why can't i just admit it? i'm a wreck.

all i am is broken, and you can try to fix me, and glue the pieces back together.

but in the end i'll end up breaking the same exact way, except this time with more cracks and shards.

everyone tells me i'm a coward, i have no bravery. i'm so cowardly that i feel like i have to die.

they don't understand how right they are.

why am i so afraid, of my friends?

people who constantly remind me that, they do in fact love me, every single day of every single week of every single month of every single year, they tell me that.

why do i not believe them? i get constant reassurance, is it just that hard to accept it?

no, it isn't.

i'm just being difficult.

i have to cut it out.

i'm nothing.

but a disease.