Where does it all go?
The confidence that briefly existed within me disappears at the blink of an eye.
All the compliments thrown my way fly right past me.
I cant catch them; I dont want them! I dont believe them.
I see what I see & unfortunately it's not what you see
because, well,
you dont know me.
You see what you want to see --
the superficiality;
the sexuality;
not the tragedy
not the guilt
or all of the pain that exists inside me.
If only I could take all of your idealizations of me
& turn them into reality.
Then maybe the confidence would never leave me.