how is it possible to love the world so deeply
yet the hate the me who experiences it?

in the darkness of my mind i fall deeper and deeper
down into the shadows and then, once my feet hit the bottom,
i ricochet upwards, gasping for air

it's like a game to see how long i can stay under
and still return to the surface to breathe
a dangerous game of chicken that will have to end someday

i stare at the sun but cast my shadow as far back as possible
the higher i go, the less likely i'll survive the fall
the deeper i swim the less likely the sea in my mind will let me go