maybe if i were
different
than what i am now.
maybe then they would
like me.
maybe then i wouldn't feel so
alone
empty
numb.
the war is in my mind
but
the wounds are on my body.
it was the cat, i tell them.
and they fall for it.
never thinking that
maybe
it wasn't the cat
maybe it was me
maybe it was my own hand,
dragging the blade across my wrist.

i love him
he loves her
never giving me a thought
never thinking that maybe
he's the reason for my pain.
i wish that he would
see
really see
that what he's doing to me
kills me.
i only wish he knew
how much i want him to be mine
how long i've waited
how many tears i've shed.
so if i die,
tell him i
loved him.

i think they're right.
i am worthless.
i am ugly.
no one wants me around.
i should go die.
i wish i could die.
perhaps that would make them see
make them less blind
to what they do to me
make them learn
make them pay.

i wish i could get rid of this
this numbness that is eating away at me
killing me
from the inside out.
i don't feel alive anymore
maybe i'm not
maybe i'm just breathing
just a shell of a real person.
i don't remember
what it's like
to live
to want to live
to have purpose to live.
everything i love is gone.
i wish that someone could just
show me.
show me how to live
show me how to breathe
show me
how to
fly...