I had a plan for the future
But I feel like this plan is falling apart
I purged for the first time in a year
It made me feel empty again
I don't know why I need to feel empty all the time, or maybe I do  
I am so scared of feeling things
So ******* scared of life that I rather live like a zombie
I try to break free from this grip depression has on me, but all it causes is blood to flow
I don't want to disappoint people
I don't want people to worry about me
but I'm getting bad again
I need pain, high and starvation to make me feel like I'm in control
but the truth is I'm not
I don't know what the **** god's plan for me is, but I'm sick of being his puppet
He can't own me. Nobody can
I will never be owned
I don't like restriction, I don't like people telling me I'm theirs
I';m scared that people have high expectations and will get disappointed once they find out what a mess I really am
I'm sick of myself
I'm sick of being this way
I want to feel happy again, I can't even remember how it feels to be ******* truly happy
that isn't normal, I'm a freak.
I can't live like this any longer
I'm so scared of life, I can't live any longer
it feels like I can't breathe
like the ground is disappearing underneath me and I'm falling in a ******* hole
I'm scared and my parents aren't there to help me
I'm scared of what I will do to myself
I don't want to leave the people I love behind, but I can't live like this any longer
I'm in so much pain and I can't even explain it
I can't even tell you how much it is
it's like every bone in my body, every part of my soul just shattered and is cutting up my innards
I can't do this anymore
I AM SCARED