sometimes i believe that i hate you.

usually, i don't.
because i don't.

i wish i despised you.
i wish i could honestly say i haven't thought of you
that the whisper of your memory didn't pervade my mind
and drown out that propaganda

i wish there was more about you that bothered me
i wish i didn't remember your gentle touch,
those comfortable silences,
how we'd giggle not because anything was funny but because we were giddy and our smiles bubbled over.

i wish he was more like you.
i wish i'd met you later.
i wish our paths weren't so separate.
i wish
i wish
i wish.