I’m sorry that I haven’t written to you in so long and I hate that I feel I should apologize for it
How long has it been since I’ve seen you last when was the last time I crossed your mind and what was the thought you had
There are parts of me that desperately want to know and parts that say you can burn in Hell
I still find myself clenching my fists on your account but not for the same reasons and I guess that’s growing
There’s a lot I hold inside and I’m told I need to let it out and admit that it hurts so I guess this is it
I hate that you could be proud that I turned out the way that I did because of how you hurt me
The fact that you could feel like what you did was right and it turned me into who I am makes my head spin and my stomach turn inside out
It makes me want to claw at my face and it drives these thoughts into my head that leave me nothing but shame and sick satisfaction
There are parts of me that hope you got better that you were able to heal and love yourself in your own way
I’ve let you sit here for too long locked away in a dark room not having seen the sun and now I’m dragging you back out in the open
You’ve rotted all the way through and I barely recognize anything I ever saw in you before
Pale and thin like fallen branches you barely still look human and if I’m completely honest it’s not hate or pity that I feel
I still feel love
Maybe you’re still struggling out there I don’t know and I more than likely never will
You probably don’t feel like you need it but I know I do so when I say this I hope you hear it
Let it echo through the tunnels of your mind I hope that you feel it ringing in your bones everyday for the rest of your life
By the grace of God alone I hope this haunts you in your dreams and it leaves you restless and uneasy until you learn why
I hope for the rest of your days it eats you alive from the inside
But I forgive you or at least I’m trying
~W.C.