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Jul 2019
Oh love where do you hide
why are you so elusive
calling out my name loud all the while?

You catch me tight
and never fully grab my hand
Sad because he could not
give me what I want

Where do you lie my fellow tortured soul
Do you cry at night, do you struggle to belong
Where are you my lost one
my bedroom God
my tiny pleasure, my great rock

You will not laugh at my poems and my ache
You will not be my shrink - we will laugh the pain away

He saved me once and I saved myself
But we could not be, I could not stay
I am floating away...
Tears gather in my skull
Where are you love? You're like a dead limb
You're not here, but I feel your loss

Sad because I lost it again
And I fear what comes next
My well of pain and doubt,
my treadmill - do I need to stop?
I can't give up -
Time, time, time
ticks away like a bomb
My needs they dissolve but never fully gone

You had to leave
I had to let you go of me

And both of them wave me goodbye
And I wave goodbye back. It hurts.
But this is also release
Could not live on the edge of the blade
endlessly
And whatever comes I embrace
now I know things well.

Death is not the end
death is the forethought of life
PS: You are number one, you blow my mind.
Courtney O
Written by
Courtney O  27/F/Madrid
(27/F/Madrid)   
92
 
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