Everyday I walk in a world that destroys the people I love. There is no control over who gets treated badly, the world is the thing that gets to decide the way it all works out. Sometimes I wish we could choose how we feel throughout the days. I tend to wonder if the world just thinks that certain people deserve pain in their life, but then it hits me like a storm that nobody really deserves the pain. Pain isn’t given to you because you can’t handle it. It is given to you because you can handle it and help people out who are in similar situations. Life is a rollercoaster that no one sees what is around the corner. The rollercoaster never really stops until the very end. It is true that life has a happy ending for everyone and if you are not happy, then it is not the end. Most people dealing with suicide doesn’t know what the light looks like anymore. They have gotten ****** into a deep black hole that they believe no one can get them out of. It’s hard to think that I’ve been in that place myself. I’ve felt so alone that there was no hope for my life and I was just going to give up. I was so tired of fighting all the demons that had entered my soul and I couldn’t deal with it. I felt like the whole entire world hated me. I couldn’t see color in the way most people could. I would look at someone or something and it would all be dull. My vision wasn’t only blurry, but it was full of dullness. I looked at everything in a way that I couldn’t explain to anyone. Pink reminded me of sadness and cancer like most colors did, but red and black was a different story. Most people think red is love, but I didn’t see that. I thought of red as blood and torture, something that I believed should’ve happen to me. Black is mostly considered death these days, but black was happiness for me. It is still happiness to me. It brought me comfort when I needed it most. It made me confident and was also a way for me to hide all the pain. Blue and purple always reminded me of bruises and scars for a strange reason. White was void. That was the color I avoided the most. I couldn’t stand to wear white. I hid from it because I was scared of how empty I felt around it. All the colors would slowly fade from view as I would go into a shutdown that I couldn’t control. I never thought my eyes could be opened up to a different view on all of the colors that once haunted me. I would cry for no reason when I would wear certain colors. I would hide in colors that everyone thought was good, but I thought different. I’m finally seeing the colors in a better way. I don’t feel as lost when I’m around them or when I’m wearing them. I just wish I could find the full light, because this is what torture is. It is easing me into and out of the spectrum and I wish it would let me go.