I sit here under a clouded sky,
the winds carry these prayers far and wide.
My Angels burn within this Holy Fire,
and I am everything but alone.
The embers, the glow.
For the first time I am warm when the air is cold.
Time may just have stopped,
and in this moment it may just be me and this fire,
me and all I’ve ever truly needed -
the sense of Spirit running,
pulsing through me.
The mountains, my mothers,
the stars, my hidden fathers.
I want to be no where but here.
The smoke encircling me,
making me clean again.
Pure.
I hear the voices of my loved ones,
I see my grandmother looking down over me,
smiling at her little girl,
grown into woman,
into someone beautiful.
I hope my father is proud,
and my mother at peace.
I pray for those who are hurting to find something that to them,
feels like this fire does to me.
Something that can heal and nurture even the most wounded parts of their being
and make them feel safe inside their body,
made of both flesh and Spirit.
I smell the sweet cherry tobacco,
the burning Pine and sage.
I am home here.
I am home because I am in prayer,
in understanding with Creation,
again connected to the Holy Spirit
that breathed life into me.
There is contentment in this moment,
where I can find deep gratitude in all my pains of the past,
and where fear has no place inside of me,
or anything surrounding.
The fire speaks to me loudly and it’s mantra is
“It’s okay.
It’s okay, child of the Universe,
I will hold you when you are suffering,
when you are at a loss,
when you do not understand.
And even if you walk away for a long time,
I will burn the same when you return.
I will remember your name,
for it holds my essence,
    you hold my essence,
in your Spirit, in your scars.
I will remember your hands,
for I have marked you with beauty and strength.
Tend to to me,
and you will come so gracefully back to yourself.
You will learn to be soft, precise, fierce.
You will learn to nurture,
to bring warmth and light to everyone in your presence.
You will learn how to turn from ember to flame,
how to turn so graciously to dust and ash.
How to become something from nothing,
and how you need Air and Earth to survive,
and water to keep you calm.”
This path is golden,
but not without pain -
tis why we pray.
This path is the greatest love I have ever known,
tis why we pray.
And in that is everything.
That we never need a reason,
yet everything is a reason.
I can send my voice up as tears of both grief and gratitude flow out of me.
Could there be anything more beautiful?
More true?
I know undying trust
and pain just as absolute.
I know the pain, the shattering pain,
is what made me search, have faith, believe, understand.
Dedicate myself to something profound.
I know love is the true essence,
why these hands only want to give and hold.
Why I will stay up all night by this fire alone as the moon makes her way through the night sky.
And I won’t question a thing.
Not where, not why or how.
Tonight I will relieve myself of the constant tilling and uprooting of every piece of my life and suffering.
I will leave space for the Divine to make itself a home inside of me,
and remind me how absolutely precious I am,
Life is.
I will let my body be the altar tonight,
and not dare doubt
how life could ever be this beautiful.