I can feel it again
Even as I am sitting here flipping through flashy magazines and sipping on a match green tea with cinnamon powder no milk and two ice cubes
In a room painted a lovely lavender and pristine looking furniture
I look like peace and serenity
My hairs down and it feels great to be out my skin tight work clothes
Funny enough my mind is not at peace
I want to smile but I cant
My face will become a crumbling mess in a few minutes
I quickly set the foam coloured cup down on the glass table before me
My hands feel tingly and ball up into fists
Dont know why
I am not angry
No
I feel a great wave of sadness
It makes me so uncomfortable I want go hide
But I cant
I throw the magazine onto the pale coloured thing at my feet which looks like animal fur
That helped a little
I am frozen in place and my feet feel like they have pins and needles stuck to them
I quickly wipe away the tears but cant do anything about the giant ball lodged in my throat
I'm going to think of happy thoughts
Of a good day
I hope this goes away soon I have a meeting soon
My face is not made up but red eyes and blotchy skin is not pretty
It will raise questions and I don't need that
I try to calm my self down by counting to 30
I feel something again
Something rising from the pit of my stomach and making its way up my throat
Is it anger? Frustration? Anxiety? Panic?
I cannot say, I am fully prepared for the meeting, all my papers are in order and my phone is tucked away in my small purse
But why cant I shake this feeling away
Will I be able to walk to the door, and smile and get on with it?
I don’t know but whatever it is I hope it goes away
Come back after 6 I will be full of cheap wine and brisket
I will deal with you then