I post pictures of my body as if I were proud of it, but I’m not.
My thoughts can’t escape my mind and my mind feels like it’s floating outside my body.
I tell myself I’m gonna die one day as if I know it will be soon or maybe because I want it to be.
I fear my future constantly even though I know all it takes to succeed is hard work which I know I can do.
I’m scared that if I even do get the opportunity to build a family I’ll ruin my children with actions I cannot anticipate.
My head is full of “what if’s” and doubt.
Sometimes I look at the fading scars on my body and wonder if I should let them fade because it’s a mark that initially was meant to be permanent, it’s a part of me I feel I can’t let go.