if i wanted to cause you pain i would take a knife
and carve you-shaped gouges out of my life
and throw them into nothing
and burn them
and bury them
and pull their ashes into my lungs
and exhale them
and watch them ******* dissipate.
i could cut you off entirely
with my silence
and the aversion of my eyes
and my hidden hatred
and my scarred and bleeding heart
but i would be cutting something else off entirely then, too,
and i'm not ready to lose everything yet.

i know your pain won't heal mine
so the you-shaped gouges sit with me
and stay with me
like a cancer.