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"15/06/2019
In my dreams,
I see we moved to the town we grew up in
You promised me you'd take me there again someday
But you never did ......

Well, I'm all alone there now
Sitting inside our 'special' treehouse
Waiting for you ...

Waiting for you
To come visit me with a box of fruitsnacks, a walkman and a bunch of cassettes
But you never do ......

And so I wait,
Wrapped and suffocated
Between my fever soaked sheets with my agony and loneliness ........

I know I've done a terrible thing to you ... to us
Something so unjustified .... so cruel you'll never forgive me for
I wish I could go back in time to change that hon, I really do
But I can't
Forgive me
Please? ........
18/06/2019
I feel so pathetic and helpless
Laying here day after day ... week after week .. month after month
Waiting for you .....

Every day I stare up at the cracks in the ceiling
And all I can think about
Is how unjust .... how unfair all this is .....

Whenever you come to see me,
I can tell how hard all this is becoming for you
Fighting for a lost cause
Trust me hon
I understand .....

I don't blame you ...
24/06/2019
The doc came in today
Told me I could go home
For a short stay .....

I'm glad to be coming home
I've missed you terribly
I missed my big buffon .....

It’s not that I'm getting better
It’s just .... it's just that this may be
My last chance hon
To say goodbye ......

But I'm afraid
I'm afraid that deep inside
You don't really want to see me the way I am now
That I don't have a place anymore I can call 'home' ...
01/07/2019
I don't know if you hate me or pity me
Or maybe I just tire you
Just ...... just stay by me a few more weeks .... and tell me it's all gonna be okay
Please hon?
Please? ......

It's just that when I first learned that
I was going to die,
I just didn't want to accept it .....

I was so angry all the time
and .... and
I ...I struck out at everyone I loved most
Especially you hon .... the man that stood by me through best and the worst
I'm so so sorry for saying such terrible things to you
Forgive me
Please? ......

That's why I understand
If you do hate me
But I want you to know this, hon
I'll always love you .....
04/07/2019
If by some miracle I get to hold you just for another day
I won't trade that wish for the world
You gifted me some wonderful years, hon
I ..... I just wish we had a little more time
A family ..... a baby to call mine .......

I love you so much hon
I wish I could show you somehow ........
06/07/2019
Well, these entries have gone on too long,
Funny .... this is the final page of the diary as well
Told the nurse to give this to you
After I'm gone .........

I told everything I had to say
When you'll get a chance to read this,
I'm already far away ....

I can't tell you to remember me,
But I can't bear for you to forget me
Don't forget me
Please? ....

Leave a little space for me in your heart
That's all I want .....
These last few years since I became ill
I'm so sorry for what I did to you,  did to us
You've given me so much
and ....and
I haven't been able to return a single thing .....

That's why I want you to live for yourself now
Do what's best for you, hon
If you’re out walking one day
and .... and
You feel a certain presence beside you
That would be me, loving you
Wherever I am ....

Love ... you were the best thing that ever happend to me ...

You made me ..... happy."

                                          
THE END
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