i cried.
i thought about lauren and sierra,
our KC neighbors,
and how they made those last few years the best.
i thought about how i stopped caring because i stopped writing
and i stopped writing because i stopped caring.
i wish that i had
their family helped my family slow down
and not go to church so much
and realize all the incredible people around us that we forgot to notice because we went to church four times a week.

so i tracked down their father online
because i know where they live
because we were neighbors for two incredible years.
call me creepy, but i tracked them down and sent them a letter.
i can only hope they'll write back
that they still live there
that they remember me
my mind is an arena, filled to the brim
my thoughts are the spectators,
shouting questions, a deafening roar
i breathe deeply and write this poem, the only way i know how to process
and i'll let you know soon.
i love them as people and i don't want to lose touch again.
because when i left i said we'd always be friends
and i want it to be true.
our week-long games of make-believe, our fights, and good cries
i loved every minute and a lump in my throat tells me so.
i'm sorry for the time i yelled at you, it was 90 outside and i was fed up
i'm sorry i didn't write because i thought i didn't care, that i was over you
but i'm not and i'm sorry and i'm done talking and please write back
because i love you as friends and i'm so blessed to have you.

i'm sorry i took you for granted.