It always catches me by surprise
How quickly the house goes quiet
You were here, and then you weren’t,
And just like that, I’m missing you already
The magazines you had flipped through just minutes before
Still on the table, on the pages you chose
The zine you created and our attempts at calligraphy
Your pretty cursive on scrap paper, still right there but you aren’t
And just like that, I’m missing you already
We waved as you left our driveway
“See you soon!” we said, laughing
And even though you’ve barely left, I’m missing you already
-a.b

gently gently
they placed you in my arms
you were too little to live, they said
but to strong-willed to die
“She might not make it through the night,” they said,
But instead you survived

Breathe deep
For the infant you cannot keep
Breathe deep
Breathe deep for the things you cannot grasp with your hands or even your heart
Breathe deep
God is closest to the brokenhearted
And though you cannot see this one through
God is doing a work in you
Your heart will heal
He has not forgotten you, far from it.
Breathe deep.

small bug, flying by,
is that a windshield I spy?
SPLAT! No more small bug.

In this season of life where you feel like you belong nowhere, know this:
It will not always be like this.
You will not always feel alone.
Someday, your season of transition will be over and you will feel settled somewhere
One day you will have friends and you will be happy.
One day you will have a place where you belong.
Life will never be perfectly easy for you but each mountain you climb will be smaller than the last,
Like dominoes falling down, things will fall into place for you and know this too:
You were not made to blend in, but nor were you made to feel alone.
The pain you feel now will one day help you tell your story
And in time you will see that resilience runs in your veins.

She embodied the force of the wind.
The wildest rivers ran through her veins.
She was persistent, growing in the unlikeliest of places.
She longed to belong.
Her soul was hardened but soft beneath
She grew in the soil, dark and wet and difficult,
But she learned to fly on the wind.
She became a seed with a wandering heart.
She learned to live outside of the darkness she came from.
She learned to grow her wings and she taught herself to be free.

i was silly to think
i could belong in a space
made only for girls like you,
your makeup perfect
your snapchat streaks long and hard-won
your problems superficial

i am none of this. i am here but i am invisible.