I want to slit my veins open and watch as my life seeps into the drain. I want my body to slowly and painfully go limp and cold.
I want to stiffen up as death is finally able to grasp what little I have left.
I sit on bridges and watch trains pass bellow always wanting to jump in front of them.
I wait at crosswalks always on the look out for a semi with the perfect grill to rip me apart.
I constantly think of driving a car into the barriers of the freeway and hopefully flying out of the windshield and feeling my bones break and crumble

I'm such a ******* disappointment.

Even to myself.

Everyday I'm too cowardly to do the one thing I think about 24 ******* 7.
My blood boils with anticipation for the one time that I will finally end this miserable existence.
I dream about it.
I wake up in the night with the pain of a knife in my chest and am upset when it's not really there.

I am so sorry that I'm not dead yet, dad.