I think my doctors are killing me.
With good intentions and Austrian dogma
together we examine my pain.
Neither nature or nurture have served me well,
I am the disease and the patient.

I am not sure you can fix both

It sounds reasonable;
find the rot and chop it out.
But I think we are cutting into viable flesh now

I need to shift the focus
to look outside myself
this introspection is a feedback loop of hate
but they say I am contagious
and I am hamstrung by that
robbed of agency
because I can walk away from my pain
but I cannot walk away from theirs

so we go back
to the panoramic vista of my damage
label each part of it
cause and effect
but I do not understand how
steeping me in this fetid stench will cure me,
or them
and I long for fresh air.