Jun 2019
smallest voice in the room
your words quiver as they leave your tongue
everyone is speaking louder then me
with such bravado it shakes the very ground you walk on
and you just want to go home and get away from it all
it feels like you have to put on a show just to interact with people
and you can feel the weight, because you always feel like you need to pretend that everything's okay and that you're happy.
you used to be so brave wearing your heart on your sleeve and speaking your feelings when you were upset and now you're stuck at home afraid about what things could be.
worries are your Wednesday's, your Thursday's and your Friday's.
You wake up at 6 am just to start a new day of stress and no one ever even sees it.
Your needs are last on the list, and not just your basic needs like taking a **** or fresh water, your dreams, your desires and not just today and not just tomorrow, for the next eighteen years.
Some days you will break down and cry because it's just too much and other days you won't feel anything at all. It's just a reaction to stress you tell yourself as if it was perfectly normal to continually feel that way. You ignore the nagging feeling in your gut to get up and do something with your life when you see your friends in ivy league or having there honeymoon trip in Cancun
you put on a smile for family when they come over and see the baby tell them all excitedly about the new things he's doing even though they don't even know the half of it, and if you talk about it you know it will probably get taken the wrong way
Like you're not grateful to be a mother
Like it's not okay to be human sometimes and be upset or tired.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
i am left with the dust bunnies under my bed
Trying to figure out how to talk to the voices in my head
To get them to stop screaming
how can you be so understanding and still so continually misunderstood?
I am so exhausted trying to always explain myself to people who just dont get it
and giving to people who just take it for granted and never give back
I wish things were different, tangible, something broken I could mold with my hands and easily fix
But were lacking in essence, in basic need.. were struggling.
And I can't do anything but watch.
depression stirs awakening from its slumber
You get stressed you dont sleep and dont respond to messages for days
Shut off your phone
Isolate your family
Because even in a room full of people, you have never felt more alone.
your words quiver as they leave your tongue
everyone is speaking louder then me
with such bravado it shakes the very ground you walk on
and you just want to go home and get away from it all
it feels like you have to put on a show just to interact with people
and you can feel the weight, because you always feel like you need to pretend that everything's okay and that you're happy.
you used to be so brave wearing your heart on your sleeve and speaking your feelings when you were upset and now you're stuck at home afraid about what things could be.
worries are your Wednesday's, your Thursday's and your Friday's.
You wake up at 6 am just to start a new day of stress and no one ever even sees it.
Your needs are last on the list, and not just your basic needs like taking a **** or fresh water, your dreams, your desires and not just today and not just tomorrow, for the next eighteen years.
Some days you will break down and cry because it's just too much and other days you won't feel anything at all. It's just a reaction to stress you tell yourself as if it was perfectly normal to continually feel that way. You ignore the nagging feeling in your gut to get up and do something with your life when you see your friends in ivy league or having there honeymoon trip in Cancun
you put on a smile for family when they come over and see the baby tell them all excitedly about the new things he's doing even though they don't even know the half of it, and if you talk about it you know it will probably get taken the wrong way
Like you're not grateful to be a mother
Like it's not okay to be human sometimes and be upset or tired.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
i am left with the dust bunnies under my bed
Trying to figure out how to talk to the voices in my head
To get them to stop screaming
how can you be so understanding and still so continually misunderstood?
I am so exhausted trying to always explain myself to people who just dont get it
and giving to people who just take it for granted and never give back
I wish things were different, tangible, something broken I could mold with my hands and easily fix
But were lacking in essence, in basic need.. were struggling.
And I can't do anything but watch.
depression stirs awakening from its slumber
You get stressed you dont sleep and dont respond to messages for days
Shut off your phone
Isolate your family
Because even in a room full of people, you have never felt more alone.
