Jun 2019
As expected this poem should have its wild and theatrical sense of darkness.
From its humor, from each dripping word.
It should be stained and filled with hot to mild darkness.
After all the title already has that harnessed in us.
But what if this is thirteen reasons why I don’t want to be in this darkness?
What if this is thirteen reasons why I need to stop feeling like a mess?
Would it still compel you?
Well... doesn’t matter.
My heart is about to be open today.
1. I went to church today. I hoped to open a deeper level of myself but I got in my head and I let it daze my consciousness and I wasn’t aware of my surrounding. But it awoke when your voice boomed and her hand collapsed on my shoulder. Subtly I remember how her heart bled for my mental freedom. And how her words urged me to not close off. She said something and I felt that. My heart opened a bit and I feel something.
2. I was supposed to go out. Perhaps heavily drink and wipe my anxious overthinking state but deep down I didn’t want to? And deep down was becoming high key. So I got a sign and didn’t. However I did drink not excessive, not to the point of drunkenness but to the point where it says that I am in control.So believe it or not, my heart opened a little bit. Yearning to be front. About **** *** time really.
3. I thought about you, I am thinking about you. Sitting here, waiting for an EDM song to load on my YouTube, staring at these words flying on my phone and I just can’t help it. I’m thinking of how I can talk to you more or say my most genuine self and something you know? But it’s not just you. I’m afraid it’s also her. And that’s okay, my heart lies in two. But hear me out, I just happen to have my soul mate and my star cross. But I won’t overthink it. My heart is happy with that.
4. I think a lot, sometime it’s very unfortunate but it’s a defense mechanism. A negative one, I overthink the worst and hope that maybe I’m wrong but since I’ve already portrayed it. I just, I don’t ever feel too good Mr Stark.
5. I hate my job. It makes me feel the worst about my self worth. But I need it to persevere or some **** like that. But really it’s ******* with me mentally.
6. Because I get in my head a lot, I over under think and that messes with me emotionally. It turns me to a rollercoaster, I’m just taking everybody for a ride. Spinning all that is around me but forever stagnant till I get repaired for more rides or they just tear me down for something more exhilarating.
7. My heart hurts.
8. My head is overthinking.
9. I want it to stop.
10. Now I told you I had thirteen reasons why.
11. It’s just that
12. I genuinely need to get out
13. And find peace.
From its humor, from each dripping word.
It should be stained and filled with hot to mild darkness.
After all the title already has that harnessed in us.
But what if this is thirteen reasons why I don’t want to be in this darkness?
What if this is thirteen reasons why I need to stop feeling like a mess?
Would it still compel you?
Well... doesn’t matter.
My heart is about to be open today.
1. I went to church today. I hoped to open a deeper level of myself but I got in my head and I let it daze my consciousness and I wasn’t aware of my surrounding. But it awoke when your voice boomed and her hand collapsed on my shoulder. Subtly I remember how her heart bled for my mental freedom. And how her words urged me to not close off. She said something and I felt that. My heart opened a bit and I feel something.
2. I was supposed to go out. Perhaps heavily drink and wipe my anxious overthinking state but deep down I didn’t want to? And deep down was becoming high key. So I got a sign and didn’t. However I did drink not excessive, not to the point of drunkenness but to the point where it says that I am in control.So believe it or not, my heart opened a little bit. Yearning to be front. About **** *** time really.
3. I thought about you, I am thinking about you. Sitting here, waiting for an EDM song to load on my YouTube, staring at these words flying on my phone and I just can’t help it. I’m thinking of how I can talk to you more or say my most genuine self and something you know? But it’s not just you. I’m afraid it’s also her. And that’s okay, my heart lies in two. But hear me out, I just happen to have my soul mate and my star cross. But I won’t overthink it. My heart is happy with that.
4. I think a lot, sometime it’s very unfortunate but it’s a defense mechanism. A negative one, I overthink the worst and hope that maybe I’m wrong but since I’ve already portrayed it. I just, I don’t ever feel too good Mr Stark.
5. I hate my job. It makes me feel the worst about my self worth. But I need it to persevere or some **** like that. But really it’s ******* with me mentally.
6. Because I get in my head a lot, I over under think and that messes with me emotionally. It turns me to a rollercoaster, I’m just taking everybody for a ride. Spinning all that is around me but forever stagnant till I get repaired for more rides or they just tear me down for something more exhilarating.
7. My heart hurts.
8. My head is overthinking.
9. I want it to stop.
10. Now I told you I had thirteen reasons why.
11. It’s just that
12. I genuinely need to get out
13. And find peace.
