today i found the difference between alone and lonely
i text her everyday, her maybe every other, her almost never, her a lot, her maybe once a week
it was a cruel balancing act, maybe some of them liked me, maybe not, whos to know?
then it was over, for everyone single one of them
and i was lonely
i like being alone, but i hate being lonely
i realized that being alone is a variable, something you can change
loneliness is something much deeper and poignant,
and frankly, i am terrified of it